I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
