So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
