Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
