Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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