porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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