I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
