Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
