I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
