Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the day after is always just damage control
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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