thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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