if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
