Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
