can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
