highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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