Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
