Swine flu. Run for my life!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
