im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
