Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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