Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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