Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
