??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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