but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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