"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
