No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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