I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
