Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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