I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
