You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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