She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
