you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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