Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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