Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
