She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
