This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
