I should be sponsored by Trojan
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
