cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I love having hate sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
