Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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