so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
