no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
