onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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