Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
