I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
