I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
