Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
