Don't make out with my wife yet
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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