i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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