Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
