we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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