You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I stole a fireplace last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
