You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
