I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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