wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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