Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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