what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
