Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
