Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
