i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
