He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize