dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
