I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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