That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
