you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
