Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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