just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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