The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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