Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
